Shades of Germany: A Personal Exploration

After intense chats throughout September and October, J visited Indonesia in early November and met me directly in my hometown as he had previously mentioned.

Everything moved quickly at that time. I spent the first week with him in my city, we went to museums, and beaches, hiked a mountain I used to climb when I was younger, and finally, we agreed to fly to Bali first. Initially, we planned to visit a mixed German family in Medan, but J complained about a muscle injury in his back from swimming in Germany, and the pain hadn't subsided. I even took him to a reflexology place in my city, but it only improved briefly, and then the pain solely came back.

In Bali, we would be attending a week-long yoga retreat, and J thought it was something better to do first than go to the forest and mountains in Medan.

Who's the best travel planner? J is.

I've read a lot about the traits and characteristics attached and identical to the German people. Most Germans are said to be very serious and even tend to be stiff or clumsy when socializing and being friendly. Germans are also synonymous with everything being orderly, sequential, and rule-abiding. Moreover, due to these traits and characteristics, Germans pay great attention to detail. They are also considered the most rational and logical in thinking.

Then I realized that these traits and characteristics were in J. As someone who also likes details, I felt a connection with him. Just look at the way he sends emails, replies to emails, and manages conversations, it looks so deep and mature. Even later, when we exchanged messages via messaging apps, his writing style was not much different from emails. And I really like it. It doesn't mean our relationship became stiff and clumsy, and there was no laughter, occasionally I always found the funny side of him, which he might not always be able to show. I often laughed because of his quips and jokes.

So, when we arrived in Bali, spiced up with unnecessary arguments that made J upset with me. However, we stayed together and J always had an open heart to understand, forgive, and excuse my behavior which he considered beyond his reason.

I thought it was hilarious when the waitress suggested a beach we could walk to. It's named "Pantai Jerman" (German Beach), and of course, I went there with a German!
What are the odds?

Doing yoga in the morning and evening and other tourist activities for a week with J were the best times we had. No arguments, no quarrels, we were very harmonious and laughed a lot.

Something is interesting. Once when we were at the airport, J and I had a casual chat about our relationship. At that time I didn't mean anything else but wanted to say that this relationship had just started, and it felt like we were still like friends and there wasn't a romantic relationship yet, and I told J that. It seems like J misunderstood that I wasn't taking our acquaintance and closeness seriously. That's not what I meant. It takes a long process to call this relationship a romantic relationship and I always try to assure him that I'm serious about him too.

Because J and I were only close at night, one time J said,

"So we only have a relationship at night."

That made it hard for me to stop laughing. Why did J say something like that? For me, it wasn't something I needed to take seriously at all, because I knew he was joking. Of course, I was always close to him all the time and there was nothing to worry about when I was with him.

One night after we finished dinner after a yoga class, I, J, M, and W (our friends in the yoga class) were chatting in the kitchen.

I remember a lesson in one of the yoga classes, that if something happens that we can't accept, something unpleasant, we have to change our perspective or point of view. Because all of that is God's destiny and we live what has been destined, or are going through our respective karma.

W told us how stressed she was with her life in Seoul. W works in a government office and works from 6 pm to 10 pm. She is tired of her job, receiving complaints about tax payments, and receiving anger from people every time.

Every day, W also doesn't have much time to rest, because her life from time to time is to work, go home, sleep, and repeat again the next day. Her husband also works hard so that every time he comes home, he spends his time watching television with traveling channels. And their relationship becomes less harmonious because of the many pressures in their lives.

Then, our friend, M, said,

"You must sell your television!"

Again I couldn't stop laughing because this German guy's jokes were so spontaneous (M is also German) and I found it very funny.

M looked at me and said,

"Why do you laugh, R, because that's the problem. The television is the problem."

And I laughed again because basically and at least that was true. Maybe television was the problem so that W and her husband couldn't really communicate healthily. To relieve her husband's stress, he even just watched traveling channels. We also laughed really hard about this.

W added,

"I have 2 televisions in my apartment."

I said,

"Oh, so you must sell your 2 televisions."

Then we laughed again.

Then, I said to J and M,

"Maybe her husband will get even angrier if W sells the television and their relationship gets worse and more inharmonious."

Then, J just said,

"If he's angry, maybe she should think about changing her mind or maybe changing the husband."

Oh, My God, J! Why did you say that?! I really couldn't hold back my laughter and I hope W didn't hear it.

I know what J meant was that when two people have decided to live together, then everything has to be discussed and discussed, but his words to "change the husband" are very funny. I still can't stop laughing every time I remember that and we discussed it again at night.

J said, 

"She did not hear that, right?"

I laughed again, 

"I don't know, maybe not."

Thus, the assumption that Germans tend to be very serious and stiff no longer applies. Especially after I got to know M, a German man who is married to an Indonesian and lives in Medan, that serious assumption vanished because M is a person full of jokes and laughter.

Then there was a moment that I will probably always remember. Not a big or important event, but my heart always felt warm when I remembered it. Giving my heart a sense of happiness and satisfaction.

I remember after we finished yoga class, we needed to spray the mat. All the spray was used by the group and nothing was left on the table. I'm waiting for J. When J knew that I was waiting for the spray, he sprayed my feet while he smiled, and made jokes to me. I'd laugh and slightly touch J's hand. It was a really nice and warm connection between me and J. I like it that much and will always remember some kind of things like that. 

One more thing I remember is that when we took group photos, J would always adjust his position to be either in front of me, behind me, or beside me, as if marking his territory. It was really sweet.

A week in Bali has brought a new perspective to my head. Many great things happened and writing about it now is part of the travelogue of my relationship with J.

See you in the next story!