Not many people would be familiar with this particular dating site. People are more accustomed to other platforms and app-based ones. It's never mentioned in the top 10 most popular dating apps. I've even forgotten how I exactly found this site. Maybe I was too desperate for a partner back then, so I tried a bunch of dating sites? That's all I can remember, and Rose Brides has a record of me signing up in 2021. However, I rarely opened it due to the lack of consistent communication; I didn't even believe I would find someone here. Whenever I got a message and was interested, I'd reply, only to find the conversation fizzle out. So, whenever I got a message on the site, they'd notify me via email. Then I could open it and reply on the site itself.
Honestly, I didn't have any particular intention of finding a foreign partner; even someone from my own country would feel like a stranger if you didn't make an effort to get to know them. I remember thinking when I signed up that maybe my soulmate was somewhere else in the world and I had to find a way to look for them. And that's exactly what I did.
I've lost count of how many messages I've received on Rose Brides because if I replied and didn't get a response, I'd delete the conversation permanently. I'm used to doing that with all my apps, messaging apps, emails, and everything else: I delete unimportant messages right away.
One day, on September 1st, 2024
I can't remember the exact details because I was super busy at work. I only replied to the new message on Rose Brides a few days later.
Hello R,
I'm J from Germany - and I'd like to learn more about you so we can see if we're a good match. Please let me know if you'd like to message or chat. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
J
J saw your profile and clicked "Say Hello". A hello message is like a wink. Learn more.
Take a look at J's profile to see if you have something in common.
I finally got around to replying on September 5th, 2024. I responded to the message with a brief reply, as I typically did.
Hello J,
Thanks for dropping a message. Nice to meet you.
Unexpectedly, this person replied to my message, which was surprising since my previous messages on this site had always gone unanswered.
Hello R,
I'm glad you wrote back.
I'm looking for a woman who wants to start a family with me and who is also prepared to live with me in Germany for part of the year. I've already written a little more about this in my description.
I live in the east of Germany and have a workshop in my house where I work to earn money. Here you can get a little insight into what I do:
www.gestaltunginholz.de
Would you be prepared to meet a German man like me? If I've found the right woman, I'll do everything I can to make her happy and I'll be forever grateful to God. That's all from me.
Best wishes from J
And at that time, I thought, why not? It was a good first step and introduction. For someone like me who likes things to be direct and to the point, his message was very straightforward and no-nonsense. I was tired of small talk, and I wasn't expecting it at all. My profile on Rose Brides was also kept as efficient as possible; I only included 2 photos and a brief profile stating that I was just an ordinary woman looking for marriage. That's it. Meanwhile, when I visited J's profile, he described his life and experiences in detail, his past, and his hopes for the future, and I appreciated the detail. But for his intention to get to know me, I liked how direct he was.
On Rose Brides, women are free to message the male profiles they are interested in, but here, men have to pay or subscribe to try and message women. After all our introductions, J said that he would only be a member for 3 months and his membership would end at the end of November 2024.
As an Asian woman living within a conservative culture, I explained my current situation to J so that he could understand the kind of woman I am and offer his insights. Of course, what I hoped for was not a casual relationship, but a meaningful one that aligned with both of our values and could help us grow as individuals. It was a noble aspiration, wasn't it?
On September 6th, 2024, I replied.
Hello J,
First of all, thank you for seeing my profile.
A little about me;
When I created the Rose Brides account, I didn't know what my goal was other than marrying someone from outside my country. Previously, I always failed to build relationships with people with the same nationality.
But, even though I longed for marriage, there are so many things to consider to living with a foreigner, outside of my country.
I would gladly welcome you, but here is my concern:
1. I have an elderly mother (68 years) who is under my responsibility. That's how most Indonesian children live, being responsible to their parents. Can you wait some time if you want to make a relationship with me?
2. I am a freelancer with an uncertain salary, would you mind supporting my living expenses in Germany? Can I, as a foreigner, get a part-time job in your country?
3. This is a bit sensitive, but I need to speak it out. We have beliefs and differences; although religion is not so important to me, I'll still want to be in my belives. I have considered myself an agnostic because actually I rarely pray. But, still, I can't change my beliefs.
If you object to my belief, then no problem at all. Showing interest to me from you is a great thing to me.
Thank you and have a nice day.
Regards,
R
And unexpectedly, J responded in a way that I didn't see coming. It wasn't the typical romantic introduction; it was deeper than that. It was about my perspective on the world and how I wanted my partner to see me and the world. Honesty and clarity were important to me from the start, and that's something I've always valued.
Hello R,
thank you for your honest message.
For me, it is not really my intention to get to know a foreign woman. I didn't know that there were no German women on Rose Brides.
But there are reasons why considering meeting a woman outside of Germany is interesting and makes sense. You have to know me better to do that. I have been working independently in my workshop outside of the city for 20 years. I sell my products over the Internet. Unfortunately, I hardly meet anyone and I am alone most of the time. I don't like that. But I have rejected the idea of looking for a job in the city. There are several reasons for this. In Germany, the fees and taxes are very high. The state sees every income that comes in online. And I only have income online. That dampens motivation. And I think this situation is better in other countries than in Germany. Working a lot to earn a lot of money doesn't work in Germany. More income means even more fees and higher insurance contributions.
That's why I only want to work here for 6 to 9 months in the future and be outside the country for the rest of the year. What I earn from my work is about 1500 EUR a month. I don't pay rent because I have a house. I have a car and drive into town almost every evening to escape the loneliness. In the past have tried to find someone to work with me. Unfortunately, that didn't work out well. I don't have that much work for two people all the time. If I had a wife who was with me, that would be a different matter. She could help me a lot in the office. Being married would also be beneficial in terms of insurance and taxes. But I'm not short of money. That's not a problem. Also because I'm frugal and don't associate a happy life with a lot of money.
Now my answer to what you wrote:
I understand that you are financially responsible for your mother. What do you do for work? You write that you are self-employed like me. How much do you need for yourself and your mother? Yes, I think it's good and important to talk about it.
On religion: I find it a bit strange when people over-exert themselves in their religion in their lives. But I know that for them it's a question of upbringing and also of authenticity with their fellow human beings. And I respect that. For me, it's important to recognize and follow my own soul plan. I try to practice meditation in order to connect with the universe. But the Christian religion also has aspects that I recognize as interesting and important, just as there are these aspects in every other religion. I also like to visit churches as a place of silence and contemplation. In summary, I practice humility before the miracle of life and the divine power that created all of this. My mind can't grasp that and I shouldn't try to.
Your question about whether you could find a job in Germany certainly depends on what skills you have. But that might be a bit too far-fetched.
I would also like to know why you prefer to look for a foreign man? Can you imagine moving back and forth between your country and mine every year? For example, 6 months in Germany and 6 months in Indonesia?
You ask if I can wait to start a relationship with you. What exactly do you mean by that? I could imagine traveling to Indonesia to see you in December if we plan it together. Or could you come to Germany to visit beforehand?
I'm excited to hear from you again and hope you have a nice day.
See you soon
J
Attachment IMG_0151.jpg-277.03 KB - View
He attached a picture of himself in a woodworking workshop, which he mentioned he owned. He said he was a woodworker with his own online business. Okay, a woodworker, let's just say he's a carpenter. Carpenter. Long before I reached this age, this age where I started questioning my existence in this world, I imagined living with a carpenter or a farmer or something like that, in simplicity. Living simply is my true goal. With a simple life, we can achieve extraordinary things, with a simple life we can surpass what others might not be able to in their lives. That's the kind of life I've always wanted, a simple life.
A dream that doesn't seem too ambitious. But in reality, it's the most ambitious and greatest dream in this short human life. Simplifying life into a simple life is not simple. We live in a complex world that constantly demands us to be automatic all the time, and that's not part of simplicity.
I wrote again to him on September 7th, 2024.
Hello again J,
Actually, I'm not specifically looking for foreign men, I've created a Rose Brides account a long time ago, but don't check it often. I have read all your profiles before writing a reply to your previous message.
I thought deeply, I think I'm not ready to be in a long-term relationship. Honestly, in my country, it's too late age for me to get married and I know that very well.
What I can say is; that I can't leave my mother alone, I also provide my nieces here. Yes, I am a 'sandwich generation.'
Especially with the idea of living 6 months here, then 6 months in another country. Does that mean my status in another country is only as a tourist and not intended to become a permanent resident? I think going back and forth would take a lot of time and money, especially for me. At least this is how I read your meaning.
Hopefully, you find a partner who is more suitable and can complement your existence. I am so sorry.
This is the first time I have responded at such length during my membership at Rose Brides.
Thank you and have a blessed day!
I rejected him very clearly at that time. My mind was all over the place then, and I had talked to my mom about him. I'm very close to my mom and I had made up my mind. I'm 40 years old now, and as an Asian woman, I'm considered way too old to get married. But that doesn't make me feel insecure. I believe I can share my life with someone someday when the time is right. I don't know if he knows about the sandwich generation, where I'm the head of the household and have to take care of my mom and even pay for my nephew's school fees. That's just the life I have.
And finally, he replied briefly on September 8th, 2024.
Hello R,
I understand your assessment and decision.
Thank you for writing me your honest opinion.
I wish you a nice day and all the best.
J
But of course, that wasn't the end of it. Because if it was, this story would end here. When I received another message from him, I realized how strong this man was and I felt like opening up more to the world. So, I decided to respond positively. I didn't sense any games being played here, so let's welcome him.
He wrote to me again on September 12th, 2024.
Hello R,
it's me again. Perhaps you're interested in me coming to visit you in December? I want to travel when it gets cold in Germany. Then we could see whether we like each other at all. What will happen after that is unknown. But I think we could find a good solution. Because where there's love, there's a way.
Would you like us to keep writing to each other? I'm still a member here until November. You can also contact us by email. I'd be very interested to know what a normal day looks like for you. Do you live in a village or a big city?
I would be very happy to continue our exchange. Best wishes to you.
J
And so, my world opened up to new possibilities again. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be. J opened that door for me, inviting me into a new world that I'd only known about in my dreams. I opened that door and started stepping into it with newfound confidence.
I decided to reply to J on September 13th, 2024
Hello J,
Thank you for your message.
I don't mind if you want to travel to Indonesia. Do you want to go to Bali or another city? Maybe we can meet there. I live in a small town in Bandar Lampung (Sumatra) and I don't recommend my city to explore (to be honest, it's not very interesting, actually I'm also bored of living here.)
I am a freelancer as I mentioned before, my job is usually doing tasks based on online projects; language transcription, data-labeling, and currently as an Al trainer for some crowdsource. I'm quitting my office job in 2022 and even though freelance-jobs income fluctuates a lot, I enjoy it.
On my normal day, I have a chaotic sleep schedule because if I don't have much work, I will sleep all day. The next day I was able to stay up until 2 a.m. for working. My life is monotonous and quite boring, but that's okay.
That's all I can say. Have a nice day!
And of course, J replied as quickly as he could, which made me feel really valued.
Hello Reni,
after a long period of good weather, it is now cool and wet in Germany. It is a small foretaste of the coming winter. But before that comes autumn. It is my favorite season. The leaves on the trees then turn colorful. And it is harvest time. At night it starts to get frosty. From November onwards there is a lot of fog. Then you spend most of your time indoors with your family.
I was in South America 3 years ago when it was winter in Germany. I think it will be very similar for you. I also met a woman there but we did not have any deep contact. I was disappointed about that. A deeper affection for each other is not something you can wish for. Now I am again faced with thinking about where I will go in the winter. You have to know that my old house is not very comfortable at this time. I do have stoves for heating but all in all, it is very difficult. And my advantage is that I am free and independent professionally. If I had found a woman here, I would not be thinking about traveling. I would have a great time with her, even if it's cold outside. But I haven't found a woman. Even on this platform here, it's pretty difficult to meet women with whom I feel that there could be a future together. A future in her country and partly in my country. Although I would also like to fundamentally change my life, I don't think it would be a good idea to leave Germany completely.
But I've already written that to you. On the website www.werkhausschule.de, I documented the last 10 years of building the house. If you look at it, you can perhaps understand why it would be difficult for me to break everything down and leave forever. But I don't know what the future will bring. I have to dare the future. And where I find happiness will also be my place. Here in my house I only have work and can also enjoy success. But I would like to share these joys with a woman I love. And as long as she's not here, all the material things count for nothing. And if she doesn't come to me, I'll go to her. Even if I have to travel all over the world.
I would like to know how you imagine a relationship with your future husband. You wrote that you want children. Do you really want to start a family? I think that children are part of a relationship. Do you like being intimate with a man, i.e. having sex? What do you like most? It's an important topic for me. Because I like being affectionate and want to make my wife happy in bed too. Are you embarrassed to talk about it?
I looked at the prices of flights. A round-trip ticket costs around 1000 EUR. That's about how much I earn per month. I have to be frugal when I'm in your country. How much money do you need roughly in a day or a month? Would you have time and interest in going to see beautiful places in your country with me? You work online. You could do your work from anywhere, right? Would you rather we continue to communicate by email? My membership only runs until November and I don't want to extend it.
Now the week has passed again. In addition to a few workshop jobs, I've been building the house again. But as I said, you can see a bit of it on the website I gave you.
I'm looking forward to hearing more from you.
Best wishes
J
I couldn't believe that in this fast-paced world, where everyone seemed to be rushing around, there was someone who would take the time to write so much about themselves, their life, and their situation in such detail. It was something I'd buried deep inside and started to forget about because the world wasn't moving the way I'd hoped. I'd never met someone willing to discuss everything in detail with me; people always came and went. But suddenly, what I'd always wanted deep down—to talk about everything with someone—was happening.
I once again reply J's message before we moved to email on September 14th, 2024.
Hello J,
The weather here is in transition from the dry season to the rainy season. The wind often blows very hard, blowing away pollen and seeds, and then the earth is filled with plant sprouts again.
I have thought about moving to another country, even though that desire is clouded by the responsibilities I have here. I sometimes imagine myself being a fruit picker on a plantation, but not in my country. I don't know what the future may bring, I also agree with you that it is not a good idea to leave Germany completely.
I have never succeeded in having a relationship with a man from my country. Even though I wanted to get married since I was 25 y.o, in reality, I didn't succeed until I was 40 y.o. I'm at the point where if I can't live with anyone else, that's okay, life isn't that bad to live. When you contacted me, I didn't expect anything, I didn't have high expectations, and so on. I feel 'I'm done with myself,' so if a relationship going to fails over and over again, that's normal and it's okay.
Yes, if I get married, of course I want a child. Maybe just an only child is enough, because I know the costs of raising a child is expensive, and I want to give everything the best for my child. I don't mind about sex, especially if it is supported by marriage. I don't have much experience with sex, and I have a lot to learn.
My income is approximately 3 million IDR per month (this is the smallest average income) or around 200 EUR, with living costs per month of 1.5 million IDR or 100 EUR. This is because I still live at my mom's house and I live a very simple life. I can still save a little money, and use it if I want to travel or go out of town.
Where would you stay if you traveled to my country? Are you staying in a budget hotel/accommodation, or renting a small house for a few months, and are you ready for that?
Yes, I can work from anywhere, and projects aren't every week. Usually, I'll be busy for a few days and relaxed in the next weeks. As of now, I'm completing a small test, that's why I can't reply to you immediately.
You can contact me by email: rxxx.xxxxxxxxx.1402@gmail.com
Thank you and have a nice weekend, J.
And so, this writing was born, as a way to capture and remember the beginning of my journey with J. At that time, all I hoped for was to meet a good person, someone who would appreciate me and understand my life as an Asian woman. Of course, his European perspective would be very different from mine, an Asian. Adjustments would have to be made for a lasting relationship, where both of us would need to adapt and align our expectations. There would be plenty of differences, which is normal when two people from different cultures meet.
See you in the next story chapter!
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